First Inning
After a Repko ground out, the Twins square up on Wade Davis for three straight doubles, followed by two singles. This may seem strange, but for some reason, the name “Wade” has always made me think of a duck. It just seems like a good name for a duck, as in “This is my pet duck, Wade.” Maybe I’m weird. The Twins score 4 in the first.
Second Inning
As annoying as they are about it (“He should be called Kevin Quickly, LOLZ!!!!11!1!1!!!!”), Kennedy and Staats are right: Kevin Slowey is working mad fast today. I love it. Six up, six down.
Third Inning
B.J. “Voodoo” Upton does not appreciate being called out on strikes. Andrew Henry’s post from yesterday noted the bizarre resemblance between B.J. Upton and Voodoo Tatum. Let me add Rajon Rondo to the mix.
Fourth Inning
As Drew Butera goes down swinging for the third out in the fourth, I’m going to avail myself of the opportunity to dispel some odd rumblings out of Twins Territory that Drew Butera might not suck. Yes, he’s shown surprising pop so far, with 7 of his 18 hits going for extra bases. And yes, he’s demonstrated big-league defensive skills. And yes, his BABIP is pretty darn low (.225 compared to an expected BABIP of .315). But trust me, he still sucks. We’re talking about a guy with a career MINOR league line of .214/.296/.317. The only surprise about his performance so far this year (.205/.237/.341) is a flukey rise in power that is certain to regress. Don’t get me wrong. I like the guy. Somehow, he’s actually posted a slightly positive WAR so far this year. But there is absolutely no reason that he should continue to get spot-starts over a healthy Jose Morales (not that Jose is Johnny Bench or anything). ALSO HIS EYES ARE CRAZY CLOSE TOGETHER! THEY ARE GOING TO MERGE! LOOK OUT!
Fifth Inning
Jason “Reptar” Repko blasts another one, as I swoon. Of course, his true talent level isn’t anywhere near his current wOBA of .420 (ZIPS projects him at .303 going forward), but if Gardy can somehow avoid completely misusing him (batting him at leadoff, not letting him play centerfield when he starts with Span, etc.), he’s a great 4th/5th outfielder with at least a little upside.
Sixth Inning
The great Frank Viola makes an appearance in the Rays booth for the sixth inning, and proceeds to raise the bar for unintentional comedy. After admitting that he hadn’t been sure if David Price had the repertoire to succeed as a major league pitcher, Frankie V apologizes via an absolute quagmire of interchanged metaphors: “I swallowed my foot.” And then, as if he knew that wasn’t quite right, he offers this correction: “I swallowed both my feet.” Sweet Music, indeed.
Seventh Inning
Awesome news out of Tampa. Turns out, Tropicana Field concession workers may have served beers in re-used plastic cups. That’s right. Cork Gaines at Rays Index spoke to a concessions worker who claimed that they were instructed to dig cups out of the trash, wash them, and actually use them to serve beer to paying customers. Mmm… trash beer.
Eighth Inning
Slowey, his pitch count rising to uncharted territory, is pulled with the bases loaded for Jesse Crain who promptly walks in a run. He is then replaced by Ron Mahay, who promptly gives up a grand slam to Jason Bartlett. Tie game. So bad news guys, turns out Kevin Slowey may have forgotten how to win games. We’d better sign Jarrod Washburn or something.
Ninth Inning
Andrew Henry
Chip Kincaid
Dickbaby
